Monday, October 25, 2010

This is me right now

This is the beginning of a blogging journey I actually started over a year ago, but stopped (and erased) mid-go due to personal reasons. The whole story behind the what and why of the “old” blog of mine is no longer important, I’ve decided, and hey -- who doesn’t love a fresh start? I absolutely do, that’s for sure.
So even though you probably do not know anything about me from the shut-down blog I used to have, I’ll begin by telling you the things that have changed since that year ago when I began.
First, I officially have one year of living “out west” under my belt -- I moved from mid-eastern America to a westwardly area that is absolutely beautiful and filled with glorious mountains. 
I never really understood the magic of the mountains until coming here -- when I first saw them, they honestly looked like those fake Hollywood backdrops we have all seen in movies now and then. They are surreal and beautiful. I feel as though I can reach out my window to touch them and I will honestly hit a cardboard print of a fantastic mountain painting, but it is never this way. Instead, I cannot even reach out to touch the mountains, as they are also terribly deceptive when it comes to telling you how far away they are, or how close the next reachable peak truly is, or just how absolutely HUGE they are in reality. Enough about the mountains. 
The second big change that happened VERY recently for me is our first move to a new apartment here in this western world. Year one was spent in a pretty crumby one bedroom apartment that we both hated and loved. We hated it for its terrible plumbing; its dirty carpet; its not-painted-in-centuries, eggshell-colored walls; its strange set of smells; the dishwasher’s rebellious personality; the frequent visits from the Roto Rooter man; and the sheer lack of space, light, and overall homey warmth. While I do realize it’s at least partially up to the renters to make it feel like a home, it was almost impossible to do, I felt, simply because of the nature of the apartment to oppose all loving forces.
However, we loved the apartment because it was ours. We searched for an affordable place to live, and we found it with sheer luck and a handshake at a horrible time in the community’s rental season. We signed promptly while we were living with M’s parents, and I am proud to have been able to stay with them while we did, but to also to have been able to move out and return their personal space right back to them, polished and restored. 
We loved the apartment for it being ours, for the fact that we actually HAD a dishwasher (no matter how unruly the darned thing was!), for the washer and dryer that accompanied the apartment (though the dryer was knob-less), for the location in the community in general, as it was right on the edge of busy civilization, far enough away to feel like we had space and privacy, but close enough to the organized world that we could get to places quickly and without much travel complaint. Not to mention that the apartment was on the bus line, which is free, and which I used all year long, proudly, brushing up daily on my Spanish and Portuguese as I sat calmly, listening, during the commute into downtown. Finally, one of the coolest parts about the old apartment was our neighbor, D, whom we eventually befriended, learned a lot about, and grew to absolutely love. We recently took a 5 day camping trip at Yellowstone National Park with him, and it was one of the best times we have ever had. D, in general, is one of the COOLEST people anyone will ever meet -- self-employed, highly motivated, living life to the fullest of full, and doing so at an exceptionally young age to be so propelled. He’s an inspiration to me, even as I sit here and write these words.
Our new apartment is much better, with 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms and a beautiful tiled balcony. The apartment came furnished, so we have had the adventure of swapping some of our their stuff for ours when necessary (like the horrendous duvet that was on the master bed for our humble Woolrich blanket with pine cone print.) We took down the giant photograph of an elk that hung above the couch, and replaced it with a fabric rectangle that fills a good portion of the wall, is colorful but not annoying, and matches well with our decor so far. I covered old pillows that were previously on the couch here with bright, cheery fabric that is somewhat girly, but very interesting. I splurged and bought 3 fantastically lush bath mats, lined them up in a row, and made a great under-the-coffee table rug that is so fun to put bare feet on. Things are not finished as far as decorating goes, but this place feels like a home already, and as it stands right now, I could see us living here more than one year, as many renters tend to move as quickly as their short-term leases are expired.
We are still in the same apartment complex as before, so all the outside perks remain (location in the community, bus line). Though we have “lost” our neighbor, D, he remains a good friend, and his apartment (and our old one) is situated so close, still, that it’s a TINY little walk to go visit him. Just last night at nearly 11:30, I was in desperate need to use the internet for a pressing matter of business, and I only had until midnight to get the online task completed. However, being very new to the apartment here, we haven’t yet gotten our internet hooked up. So M called up D to ask if I could trek over and use his connection for a few moments. D obliged, and I literally put on my Uggs and toboggan, walked 1 minute outside, knocked on his door, and I was in. (My point here is that he’s still so close. It’s not really as if we’ve “lost” him at all!)
I digress. 
The third change is Mo. Mo is our cat whom we adopted from the local pet shelter, who is taking up residence with us, and who provides us with so much joy and comfort. Having a pet, in general (one that you can actually cuddle!) gives a family a sense of depth and comfort (and even safety, though he is often quite literally a “scaredy cat” and wouldn’t be able to protect us from intruders at all!). M and I were just M and I for most of the first year, but I reached a point where I felt the internal NEED to have a kitty. It’s comical the way the “kitty urge” hit me like many women get the “mommy urge.” And perhaps Mo serves to that purpose in ways which I am embarrassed to “say out loud” here. But I will say that Mo is a member of a 3 person family, now, and he is that third person. He is loving and loveable, and M even loves and enjoys him, despite his previous desire to have his first pet here be a dog. Mo is quirky and playful. He doesn’t hover, but he likes to be petted. He has a favorite toy we call “tail mouse.” He likes to look out the windows and pretend like he is in the jungle, and he likes the top of the 1st cushion of the couch. Not the 2nd. Not the 3rd. It MUST be the 1st. It’s his spot. 
I am being long-winded, I know, but it feels so freeing to write like this, to reflect on my life as it was and is. I have so many good things to focus on. I am sensitive and prone to unnecessary worry, so I have the disgraceful habit of thinking about all the things that bother me and worry me and make me anxious and afraid. But this blog isn’t for those things as much as it is for the good. I am an artist, in some respects, and hopefully I will be able to post about that, too, which is so lovely and important to me in my full life now. I will do my best to be real and honest, creative and not obsessive, letting the flow of life go with me and into this blog as best as I am able.
So until the next post, thanks for reading. And whew! It’s good to be back. 

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