Update!

GOOOOOOOD MORNING!!!!

I've been away for a few days from the blog... my apologies! Several people have inquired what's going on with me, new, mentioning I've not updated the blog since (gasp!) Saturday! Well, let's recap.

First of all, Pig. Pig's breakfast today includes a lovely glass of orange mango Naked juice! It's really tasty!

1. It's been a tad snowy lately. Just today and yesterday, but it's been snow-showering, mostly in the early morning when no one is particularly pleased with it. It's wet snow, too, which is pretty much rare for where I live. It's wet snow, sure, but it doesn't stick around for long, and it's sun-shiny by the afternoon. Usually.

2. I watched a cool movie at the library with M and D, and one of D's old college friends. The movie was called, "Cairo Time." It was about this American woman who goes to Egypt to visit her husband who is working there.  Her husband has a stressful job that ties him up a lot and the woman ends up spending a good deal of time with a man named Taruk, who is like her Egyptian tour guide. He shows her Egypt the way it is meant to be seen. The movie is really interesting and beautiful in its own right.

3. M totally surprised me with an unusual gift of a giant box of... makeup! Let me first say, this is very much NOT the kind of gift he would give me. But apparently he ordered it from a co-worker who was selling these awesome make up products (sorry to bore you, men) and I guess was waiting for the big box of lovely colors to come in. When they arrived, he gave me this huge gold zip up case full of beautiful eye shadow colors, blush colors, lip glosses, lipsticks, and eye pencils. I love makeup, don't get me wrong, mostly because it's like face art. But truth be told, I don't wear a ton of it. My mom and sisters tend to go for the more expensive make up, but I can't afford the kind they rant and rave about, so I've resorted to the cheap brands that I can afford. Maybe the end result is that it's just not as much fun when you're not into the good stuff. However, this kit, with all of the eye shadow colors, blush and lipstick varieties... I will be experimenting for a long time! It's not something I normally spend any kind of money on, but I don't have to worry about that now! I tried out the eye shadow (3 colors) starting today, but was shy about it... I started with the shade that was basically a nude tone. I put a little brown on the corners. Here's to future (braver!) experimentation!

4. I gocco'd cloth! I got fantastic cloth fabrics for gocco in the mail from a lovely seller in Japan who usually has a lot of gocco products in her store. My first attempt was sort of a flop, but not so much that I threw it away. I'll use the first cloth printing attempt for myself (see below the botched try), save the screen, and reprint later when I have more time so as to avoid mistakes I made the first round of printing.

(Also you can see my nails here, though they look VERY cherry or strawberry red in this pic, and they are more... cranberry. Yes, cranberry.)

5. I painted my nails multiple times and removed the polish multiple times in a mere matter of a few days. My nails have been pewter grey, chocolate brown, bright cherry red, a hideous aqua blue, and now, after having to go to the store to fetch more polish remover, my nails are a plummy reddish hue, shiny and lacquered-looking. They are the yummiest shade so far in mixture, though I rather liked the pewter color for a time. I think I may leave them like this, though that's what I said about the other colors, too. :)

6. Projects, galore! I have been doing a little side freelance work, both for businesses and individuals, and I am feeling extremely productive in researching for future projects, too. Things that lay on the line are in full swing and I am stoked for their completion!

7. And last but not least, I am going home for Thanksgiving, and right before I leave, I'm going ICE SKATING with M and D! D is going to South America for about 5 or 6 months (I think!) and we're all going ice skating before the send off. Plus, I get to babysit his painting while he's oversees. His painting is by an awesome painter, Richard Salcido, and I'm stoked I get to take care of it while D is gone. I'll take care of it, too... it's one of my fav's!

So, what's new with YOU?

Worrying a little too much

In the midst of working on the card for my mom, I am also trying to work on several other projects. The most important project is the re-launch of my website, which isn't honestly that big, complex, or intriguing. However, I previously pulled it down after being published for a little while, already, much like I pulled down my former blog. And for many of the same reasons.


I am at a point now where I could EASILY have the site back up, but I am so halted right now, out of fear. I wanted to change the site so that it looked different and conveyed more of ME as an artist than I had in the other site. However, it's been rough because though I have made changes that are significant, I am still so very afraid that I will not be perceived as having made any, or made changes enough to be perceived as positive. I am having "artist self doubt," which I struggle with a lot anyway, on both creative and personal levels. I am at a point right now where I have to write a little biography about myself, and I am scared out of my mind.

I want the bio to be different than my former bio -- one, for it being different-looking, and different in the way it reads; and two, for it to reflect change and growth within myself and my artwork. I have no idea if these differences will be perceived, and honestly I don't know if it matters. But because of the aforementioned fear in addition to worrying about it being different (and different enough), I am stupidly sitting staring at a blank screen, a blank sketchpad. 




I have an incredibly kind and generous person who is helping me put my site together -- the same person I had helping me before I shut the former site down for a time. And I am here on the other end of the internet dragging my feet. It isn't fair to him. I feel rotten for procrastinating so much. 


I have done the website tasks that are behind the scenes and now I'm to the almost-last steps that will make this thing become public. And because of fear, I feel worse than ever -- not excited and anticipating, as I should feel. So I need to get brave. And I need to just write a little bio and not think about it. And I need to be happy because I've done it. And then once I do it I need to stop thinking about the what-ifs any more. And I need to scar over this whole thing inside of myself because there is always a good chance I may be compelled to shut down the site again. And if I am ever there in the future, I want to not get afraid, as I might have done before, stand behind my changes, and look my fear in the eyes without flinching.


Being one's own self can be scary, but it can also be liberating and awesome, and I'm hoping for the latter more than anything. 

Let's make it happen, Becca.