Worrying a little too much

In the midst of working on the card for my mom, I am also trying to work on several other projects. The most important project is the re-launch of my website, which isn't honestly that big, complex, or intriguing. However, I previously pulled it down after being published for a little while, already, much like I pulled down my former blog. And for many of the same reasons.


I am at a point now where I could EASILY have the site back up, but I am so halted right now, out of fear. I wanted to change the site so that it looked different and conveyed more of ME as an artist than I had in the other site. However, it's been rough because though I have made changes that are significant, I am still so very afraid that I will not be perceived as having made any, or made changes enough to be perceived as positive. I am having "artist self doubt," which I struggle with a lot anyway, on both creative and personal levels. I am at a point right now where I have to write a little biography about myself, and I am scared out of my mind.

I want the bio to be different than my former bio -- one, for it being different-looking, and different in the way it reads; and two, for it to reflect change and growth within myself and my artwork. I have no idea if these differences will be perceived, and honestly I don't know if it matters. But because of the aforementioned fear in addition to worrying about it being different (and different enough), I am stupidly sitting staring at a blank screen, a blank sketchpad. 




I have an incredibly kind and generous person who is helping me put my site together -- the same person I had helping me before I shut the former site down for a time. And I am here on the other end of the internet dragging my feet. It isn't fair to him. I feel rotten for procrastinating so much. 


I have done the website tasks that are behind the scenes and now I'm to the almost-last steps that will make this thing become public. And because of fear, I feel worse than ever -- not excited and anticipating, as I should feel. So I need to get brave. And I need to just write a little bio and not think about it. And I need to be happy because I've done it. And then once I do it I need to stop thinking about the what-ifs any more. And I need to scar over this whole thing inside of myself because there is always a good chance I may be compelled to shut down the site again. And if I am ever there in the future, I want to not get afraid, as I might have done before, stand behind my changes, and look my fear in the eyes without flinching.


Being one's own self can be scary, but it can also be liberating and awesome, and I'm hoping for the latter more than anything. 

Let's make it happen, Becca.

Digital drawing fun

A while ago I bumped into this little website called "odosketch," and truly fell in love. Odosketch is basically a little place to draw pictures on your own digital canvas with a limited number of colors and brushes. The colors are all mostly pastel and muted, and the canvas remains a sandy, paper-looking backdrop for your drawing's start. Once you get drawing, you understand that the color of the digital canvas and the palette of sketching colors given work really well together. You can erase your mistakes, draw over things, and so on, just as you might do if you were making your own sketch with actual paper and pencil.


(If you're lucky enough to have access to a Wacom drawing tablet, then that will work too... but I like the challenge of using just a mouse. It adds an innocent charm to the end result that I find completely endearing.)


The best part about drawing a digital doodle on odosketch is that once you decide you are finished, you can watch the progression of your drawing as you, the artist, actually drew it. You can see it from the start of the blank canvas, through all your drawing motions -- what you drew first, how you colored it, what you decided you hated and ultimately erased, etc -- all in a sped-up little "film."


I have only drawn 2 small things since finding the site, as it can be a little time consuming. But if you're ever bored, have a bit of time, are feeling creative, and are able to use a mouse well, then click on over to odosketch.com and give sketching there a try.


It's so fun to watch drawing videos that yourself and other people have drawn (the most recent sketches are posted in an updating gallery on the home page that you have access to.) You get to see how many artists work through their drawings from start to finish, what they have erased, how they moved from color to color, brush size to brush size, and so on. It's an intriguing way to spy -- but you have to be quick in your note taking, as the "videos" are so quick.


Here is one piece I've done (of the 2!) that I kinda like.

Sit back, watch, enjoy, and at least once, try it out for yourself.


You're gonna love it.